Letters and Visits
by O'Im Only Joking
Summary: Brendan's in jail for something he didn't do, will Stephen believe him? Through his time in jail their trust and friendship grows again.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: It is 6:10 in the morning and this idea popped up. Stendan eh, keeping you up with fic ideas since summer 2010. **

**I'm not sure the letter works… I tried to lighten the situation up a bit, but I feel it has gone wrong. And of course, characterisation is way out. **

Voices are distant. Cells are locked and unlocked. Doors are slammed shut. Footsteps pass by like yo-yo's.

Hell…jail.

I jump off from the rock hard bunk bed and sit at the small table that's placed in the corner of the cell. I scratch over the beard that is now set on my face and scroll up and down at the letter that's stares back at me.

A fucking letter; me writing stuff down I'd never dream of saying. It's surprisingly comforting. Makes me feel less…alone, I feel like a fruit loop in this place. Caged up more or less 24/7, it makes you think. Someone back home told me 'thinking is dangerous, Bren. Don't do it.' And he was right, so god damn right.

Stephen.

I read through it slowly, over and over again until I feel my eyes close and sleep takes over.

_Stephen. _

_You'll probably throw this letter away once it gets posted, but I hadta write to you; just write something really to anyone. It keeps my mind off the people that surround me and where I am. Criminals' eh, just like me. So why do I fear for my life in this place, Stephen? I'm hoping you have the answers 'cause I certainly don't. _

_My hard act, my Brendan Brady mask is falling slowly each day. But I won't give up; I know I can't give up. I'm a fucking vulnerable mess in here, I have no real closure. I, erm, I don't have you here to have a bitchy go at me. Never thought I'd say this, but I could do with one now. Your tantrums to somehow make me laugh, cos they do, not sure you've noticed, but yer a funny fellah at times. Interesting. _

_The food is shite, too. I need your speciality down me, your homemade spaghetti Bolognese would go down a treat. I've not eaten…surprising? Yeah, it surprised me too when I scrapped and pushed the cold mash and sausage around my tray and chucked it in the bin. I turned down sausage Stephen, when have I ever done that? Never. I should have given yer more credit, all those times I said your food was crap and how I'd suffer food poisoning if I ate anymore were lies young man. _

_I've got a beard, Stephen. A literal one that grows on your face, I know you are too young to experience one of these, but it's a shame you aren't here to see it. Only three weeks and I have more hair on my face than you have your whole body. _

_How's the kids? Amy? Well I hope. I'm sure Amy's told you to stay well away, and that this is for the best. Me inside and you free to move on, Jesus, I've even said it myself. But a letter back would be nice? Just summat I can read throw when I'm at my lowest. You're my only sanity. _

_Cheryl's ignored my calls and letters, is she okay? I know she's convinced I'm to blame for Rae… but I'm not. You believe me, right? And Lindsay does she? I swear down my kiddies life I didn't murder her. _

_I've gotta go, lights are going off in 5 and Terry is back (convicted rapist, I'm sure you'll agree that it's all fun and games in this cell). _

_Hope to hear from you soon, lad. _

_Double B. x_


	2. Chapter 2

He's written to me, he's actually written to me. I know it's him 'cause his writing is proper neat, and it has that sharp edge to it. And also, he left me a note once on his bed, it read 'I tried to wake you, but yer are like a baby. See ya in work later, BB.'

I sling the rest of the post on to the coffee table and sit on the sofa. I run my thumb slowly over the writing on the envelope before ripping it open and reading it.

/

I read and process every word for at least one hour. I know I'm crying, why? It's not like I care… well, I shouldn't care, should I? I've got my own problems going on, me.

But I feel bad. Is Brendan Brady really capable of murder? I mean, I know there was Danny… but he explained that. He did it to protect me, 'cause he loved… loves (?) me, right?

Then there are the other thoughts. The ones that are making me want to rip the letter up and forget it. He didn't like Rae, he threatened to kill her. I saw how angry he was towards her. In his head he had reason to hurt her, right? She was to blame for the one thing he didn't want to happen; I guess to him it felt like his world had collapsed. And she was my friend, she meant a lot to me. She was the mother to my unborn child; she trusted me and opened up to me like nobody else did. She warned me time and time again to stay away from Bren, that I needed to grow a back bone and not to fall at his feet every time he called my name. I let her down.

I wipe away tears harshly and screw the letter up. Rae was right, Amy was right. I can't get involved again. I lie down on the sofa and tightly hold on to a cushion, my eyes fixed on the scrunched up ball of paper that lies on the floor. My eyes grow heavily and I fall to sleep quickly.

/

15:00. I rub my eyes and stretch awkwardly as I get up off the sofa. I run my hands over my face and head to the kitchen.

Fuck. The noise of paper underneath me stops me in my tracks. I kneel down and open it up slowly. In an instant my mind is changed, I'm gonna tell him straight. I reach for the nearest pen and paper and start writing.

_Brendan._

_No I've not thrown anything away, though it is all crumpled up. I'm surprised you've wrote to me, tbf. I dunno, Bren, just keep your 'ead down. When I was in young offenders I kept my 'ead down as much as I could. You just gotta take each day as it comes. Do what you gotta do, like you say, if you have to write and it helps then do that as much as you can. Why would I have the answers? I don't know anything, Bren. U go about things diff to anybody else I know, you deal with things in your own way. I dun want you fighting in there; you gotta keep your anger under control. If you want to b free from there then you have to keep outta trouble. _

_I always new you were a softy, Bren. You are just a cub lion, you have a bite on you but you aren't as scary as you make out. You been inside might teach ya a few things? Bren, there's no need to wear a mask, they r all in the same place as you, they will know how u are feeling. Talk to some1, maybe? You can't fall to pieces in there, you cannot be weak. _

_You best be kiddin' me, right? I never moan at you like an old woman! And I do NOT have tantrums! Maybe if you weren't a bell end I wouldn't have to talk sense in to u all the time, cause that's what I was doing, talking sense in to you, none of this 'moaning like an old woman.' -_-_

_Ha! Bren, does everything have to turn in to innuendoes were u are concerned? At least I can cook, and its non of that stuff u stick in microwave. Don't be starvin' yourself, you need your strength up and u need your head focused at all times. I always new ya liked my spag bol! I am a chef after all. _

_Oh, thanks for clearin' that up. I fort you'd come across some woman that works at the jail and you'd wooed her to be your fake beard. You no, like u did with Lindsay? Ffs, why Brendan? Wud it have been so 'ard for u to just be with me? I'm bitter over that and you are not off the hook for it! I will c it, you get visiting orders, yeah? I can smirk and point at how silly it looks. Cos I bet it does, u aren't Brendan Brady with the moushtash. _

_The kids r well, just the usual for them. Nursery, tea then bed. Amy's too busy with Lee… she's gon and moved the prick in! I'm sick of seein' 'em all loved up. I feel a bit pushed out, me. But I'll get used to it. No, Bren, stop jumpin' the gun. She's not mentioned you… I won't let her cos it just ends up in me and her falling out. Your only sanity? Bren, please eat something… 'sentimental shit' is not your thing, member? Tho, reading that did make me smile and cry in equal mesure. _

_Hmm, Cheryl is lost withou' you, Bren. But she doesn't know what to with herself, she's threating over so much. She's lost her big brother, but plz don't worry, I'm looking after her! I dunno what to believe, my heads telling me 1 thing and my hearts sayin' summat else. I'm prayin' you are telling the truth. Lindsay feels guilty, she thinks its to do with that Silas guy? Is it? _

_You are sharin' a cell with a rapist? Couldn't they have put u wit' some1 less, I dunno… dangerous? Are you 'friends'? I doubt it, u never were one for making 'friends' hehe. Just messin'…sorta. _

_So when u can, send me a visiting order, Bren. Stay brave, I know u can do it._

_Ste xxx 3 _

Reading it back I see that I haven't set him straight in the slightest. But he says I'm his sanity, yeah? I'm gonna help him through this. We will do this together.

**A/N: The spelling mistakes in the letter are deliberate, as we know Ste isn't all that good at reading and spelling. Hope it was okay and not too out of character. **


	3. Chapter 3

**6 days later. **

Stephen's visiting today. Jesus, what am I going to say to him? I mean, I've never been good with words, but in this place…it's a whole different ball game. And how do I approach him? I'll probably fight the urge to hug him and never let him go; I don't want eyes, hushed voices and fingers in our direction. Yeah, I think a smile is the safe bet.

Oh maybe we'll bring attention to ourselves in a different way. Stephen shouting and lashing out is always a possibility, especially after reading his letter over and over again for past 5 days.

Be prepared Brendan.

/

I stand in a row full of men waiting to be greeted by family or friends, and I suddenly feel sick and nervous. This isn't right, I shouldn't have let Stephen come here; he shouldn't see me in this state. No one should see a person they…love in prison. I want to turn back around, but the voice in my head tells me to man up. Grow a pair.

I inhale deeply has the gate opens and we make our way to the visiting area. I look around until I catch Stephen standing up, awkwardly messing with his hooded sleeves. He looks up has I walk up to him.

He looks tired, confused, fed up and scared. Fuck sake. Before I know it his arms are wrapped around my neck and he holds on to me tightly as though his life depends on it. I can hardly breathe, and I can sense eyes on us, but in this moment I don't care. I put my arm around his back and pull him closer. He feels and smells just as I remembered him.

It feels like we've being held in this embrace for hours, but after one final tight squeeze we let go of each other and sit down facing one another.

'Sorry,' he sighs 'probably wasn't my best option to hug you in front of everyone like that.'

I shake my head.

'It doesn't matter; it's the best greeting I've ever had.' I smile, but I know it doesn't reach my eyes.

'So… you gonna explain to be, Brendan? Proper expiations, too, don't leave anything out.'

I lean over the table and fold my arms so they rest on it in front of me.

'Right… this fucking Silas guy, ye know him who's related to the Costello's?' I pause to see if he's following, and he nods for me to carry on. 'Well he's the murderer, Stephen. He set me up.'

He scrunches his face in confusion.

'But why would some old man wanna set you up?'

'Cause he knows I know what he's like. He's been messing with Lindsey, I thought she was turning into a nut job at first, but she was right. He's a creep, Stephen.'

'So,' he pauses 'he killed Rae cause you know what he's like? Brendan, that doesn't make sense. What does he have against you or Rae?'

I feel like shaking him.

'Look, I don't know why he went after Rae. All I know is he's put the blame on me cause I had reason to, yer know… kill her, but I swear, I never touched her.'

'Half the village saw you threaten her, Bren. It doesn't look good.'

I scratch at my forehead, agitated.

'I know that, but I was angry. Dec had just found out about me, he's my son; the last thing I wanted was him knowing that. It wasn't her place to say anything. But I don't really blame her… when I confronted her she'd said something about Silas telling her to stick up for herself, he put it in her head that she had to stand up to us. Well, me.'

'She didn't mean to say it in front of him, you know.' He says. 'She was just proper angry and she blurted it out.'

I nod my head in agreement. He looks at me as though his brain is ticking over; he opens his mouth and shuts it again numerous times before he asks the question I'd hoped he'd already know the answer to.

'You would never kill a woman, would you, Brendan?'

'No! No of course not, never.'

'There was Danny.' He whispers.

I look him straight in the face.

'That… that was different, yer know that was for the good. He was trouble; he would do anything for the sake of him coming up tops. I'm no saint, I know that, everybody knows that… but I would never harm a woman in anyway. I have my reasons for doing what I did…do to yer, but I wanna sort that out.'

'Okay.' He smiles, tiredly.

'Okay.' I repeat.

'So if I talk to Lindsey she will help me? I'm gonna get you out of here, Bren. Also, I haven't let you off for leaving me for her, but I'll save the 'old woman' routine for when you get out.'

'Yeah, she believes me, right? She knows what he's like; she's known it for weeks, but no one will listen to her, just like no fecker will listen to me in here. Jesus, Stephen, leave that for now, yeah? It was a mistake.' I grunt.

He nods. 'Yeah she believes you; she's mentioned this Silas dude to me and Cheryl a number of times. But I was so confused, angry and upset that I wasn't paying much attention to her. I was so sure you'd done it… is that bad?' He sniffs.

I laugh short. 'No, no. It's understandable I guess, me and Rae were never the best of friends, and I know she only ever wanted the best for you. She was a wise girl really.'

Stephen wipes at his eyes harshly, his cheeks red and his eyes blood shot.

'Hey, stop this.' I reach over and give his arm a stroke.

'I'm sorry,' he whispers 'it's just… I miss her, me. She meant a lot to me and all I did was shit on her with you. But she forgave me and she was still there for me. Then to think it was you that did it… god, Bren. I hate it.'

I put on my best poker face.

'Everything will be okay… I'm gonna get out of here, Stephen. We will prove that Silas did this.'

How the hell are 'we' going to prove anything, I think as soon has I've said it.

'Yeah?' He asks hopeful.

'Yeah.'

'Five minutes!' The warden announces.

'Already?' Stephen asks 'I've only just got here.'

'Yer know what they say, time flies when yer are having fun.'

HA!

'I don't wanna leave you.' He says and I wipe away tears from his cheek.

'I'm a big boy, don't you worry about me. I've got the wonderful Terry for company, don't forget.' I roll my eyes.

'Oh God! I forgot about him, what's he like? Does he look like a rapist?' He asks, intrigued.

I snort. 'He just looks… well, big and ugly. Doesn't say much, which I'm grateful for, I keep out of his way much as I can.'

'Urgh, dirty bastard.' Ste shakes his head in disgust.

'Two minutes!' We hear this time.

'Right, speak to Lyns and Cheryl for me; get Lyns to get more evidence if she can. But she's gotta be careful! I don't want any harm coming to her, or to any of yer, do yer hear me?'

He nods his head. 'I will write to you and keep you updated.' He pauses. 'Why us? It's not fair.'

I laugh. 'What have I told yer? Life isn't fair, Stephen. Stay strong for me please. I don't want no more tears, yer are my rock whilst I'm in here, right?'

He nods but I can tell he doesn't believe it.

'Time!'

We both look at the warden and back at each other; neither of us wants to leave the other. Shit, c'mon.

'Can't you sneak me in?' He asks, looking up at me.

I wish.

'It's jail, lad…not a walk in centre. Now come on.'

He gets up and hugs me just like he did before we sat down.

'I'll write to you, I'm proper gonna miss you, Bren.' He sighs, sadly.

He kisses underneath my ear, and I feel the warm heat spread down my back and legs.

'By the way,' he whispers 'the beard isn't stupid at all, it's rather sexy.' And I feel his mouth spread in to a little smile.

He pulls back to look at me. 'That doesn't mean it's not getting shaved when you get out of here.'

The movement around us is blurry as all I can take in is the young lad in front of me. He's here for me and I haven't lost him, he believes me. He fecking believes me, it finally sets in.

'I love you.' He whispers has I'm forced to go back to my nightmare.

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Means a lot. **


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